This month we are spotlighting the clever, evocative story that won the Judge's Pick in the Darkward Vampfic Contest.
Diary of a Dead Man by ineedyoursway
What dihenydd says:-
Like many exceptional stories ‘Diary of a Dead Man’ has not had the readership it deserves. It does not end happily, Edward is not redeemed, there is no fluff. Therein, I suspect, lies the problem.
Probably more than any story I have read this one conveys as much, if not more, through the writing style as it does through the narrative.
The story is told mainly through entries from the sparse journal of Edward Cullen. He allows Bella to read this diary as she faces death at the age of 83 years. From Edward’s point of view, and with his unique voice their story is told in a series of sporadic interactions, over a 70 year time period. In a succinct, stream of consciousness style, complete with bizarre inner ramblings, a life of repressed emotions and bad communication is revealed. The disjointed, stilted style says as much by what is unwritten as what is.
He first encounters Bella at the age of 8 years:-
“There is something innocent about watching young children play. Sometimes I want to drain them.
The girl, that damn girl, she tripped on a wayward rock and went sprawling onto the ground. She cut her knee open, that damn girl, damn that girl for cutting her knee open. She should be more careful, instead of sending her blood towards the crazy man (not a man, I am not a man) lurking in the fucking trees. Writing these phrases down on paper makes me giddy. The script 'f' of fuck is an elegant, ironic lead.”
On the surface he comes across as a callous, self absorbed killer – judgmental and arrogant. However he remembers all his victims:-
“That damn socialite Beatrice Beagle. Her bust overflowed from her dress, pushed up and up and constricted her breathing. I killed her that night. I left her in a tenement to rot. Damn those immigrants.”
You are left with the feeling of an empty life, with very little meaning.
He appears to treat Bella with a cruel indifference even after they begin an affair.
“She asked me my name while stepping into her nurse's garb. I sat against the edge of the bed, my feet resting on the hardwood floor. She asked me again because I didn't respond. I stared at her. She shut up.
I smiled politely when ushering her out the door.”
He never actually tells her his name or anything about himself. Although it is easy to think that Bella is allowing herself to be exploited, there are hints that she at least is aware that there is more to their relationship and is prepared to accept whatever he has to offer (most of the time)
“What if I love her?
This stupid girl.
She makes me stupid.
She asked me if I could love her. Just like that. She said, 'do you love me?' and I told her no. Of course I told her no. What else was I supposed to say? She just nodded, though. Not at all disappointed. It was like she expected me to fail her, that stupid girl. She's right. I failed her. I fucked her anyways.”
Ultimately you are left with a feeling of lost opportunities, but also inevitability. Although he has watched her grow older he never actually expected her to die. Although he appeared to treat Bella badly he never actually tasted her blood. Although he professes to feel nothing for her the importance of her in his life is apparent in his choice of what he deemed worthy of chronicling. His tone is deprecating but that only serves to highlight his isolation and these few entries rattle around in a vast stretch of time and will echo in his empty life for the rest of eternity.
The writing is wonderfully unsentimental, nothing is superfluous and yet everything we need to know is conveyed – even if it isn’t written. There is a sense of completeness about it that leaves a sense of satisfaction rather than a craving for more. I urge you to read and review this, it will be a long time before you come across writing this exceptional and awe inspiring.
What theladyingrey42 says:-
I’ve always thought that the term “Darkward” was a tad misleading. Yes, he drinks human blood and lives a haunted, tormented existence. ::yawn:: Who doesn’t?
But then there are stories like Diary of a Dead Man that redefine the genre.
In this story, we get torment and blood and sex. Do we ever.
But we get more.
We get a human lifetime of loneliness and longing. We get a hard heart learning what it means to lust for one that beats. We get growth. Denial.
And ultimately, one of the more beautifully heart-breaking tales I’ve ever read.
For anyone who wants to be completely and utterly drawn into a world of poetry, wonder, beauty and pain, ineedyoursway’s work should be at the top of the list. That said, in my mind, to date, Diary of a Dead Man stands as her crowning achievement. It is not to be missed.
ABOUT OUR REVIEWERS
dihenydd betas for lambcullen and other wonderful writers and reads altogether too much Twific.
theladyingrey currently writes Love Amongst the Ruins and Our Lives Unbound. she also has numerous other stories and awardwinning one-shots under her belt, including an incredible 3 stories in the 5 Judges Choices of the Tattward and Inkella Contest.
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